Damn, Time…

When the waves of missing you are comin’ in, I’m drowning in my own thought everyday..


I guess it’s the price you have to pay for giving your heart to someone far.

It’s not the distance that kills you. What sucks is, the times that passed by when you’re apart from each other, because you’re missing these little things. Things like, how he smells after shower. Does his shampoo smell like something you like?

How he chooses his outfit for the day, how long it takes. The way he’s checking out his look in the mirror before he leaves the room, how he ties his shoes. His look after a haircut, how his hair curls in the rain, how he crawls to the bed after a long day, how he talks to other people, or what are the things he buys, how he spends his Sunday.

Where is his favorite place in the city? How his room looks like, does it as messy as his hair? How is the view outside through his window? Or does his room has a window at all? What pen does he use to write down in class? Which one is his favorite jacket? Will it feels comfortable on you? Does he wear it a lot when it’s cold outside?

And more.

Those little things, you just simply ignored because it does not seem significant. Replace the pen with other pen, he still can write down some notes. Everybody ties their shoes the same way. He would always look like himself after any haircut. But, that’s not how you see those little things.

You’re not missing him, you are missing those moments.

When you miss him, you are not drowning in thoughts. Instead, you are drowning in memories. You remember most of it, most of him. How he laughs with his mouth full of food, that face he makes when he’s thinking or planning something, or things he said. You thought it’s the same feeling, but it was just because you hardly see the difference, since it says the same thing: the absence feels wrong.

The blank part needs to be filled with something, someone, him.

So it feels like he is the missing part. Look again, you will realize that it’s not about having him around or doing stuff together. But… more to the desire to be part of his world and let him in yours as much as well. You didn’t see it clearly at first. It was all vague; a feeling you don’t understand is never easy at the beginning. Then things come in pieces, like a puzzle that once it’s done, you can finally see the big picture: you don’t miss him. It’s not as simple as that after some time.

Oh, these thoughts I am drowning in.


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