I hope you find someone who knows how to love you when you are sad.
– Nikita Gill
Sometimes, you just choose to be mean. Because you know, you’re not strong enough to choose kindness. Kindness is way too hard if you’re not happy.
It’s not always like that, though.
I read somewhere that unhappy person tends to hurt others, when it’s the opposite about those who are happy with their life. Being mean is easy, and you can learn it from people around you. You became unhappy for a reason: there is something or someone makes you unhappy. So, being mean is more like give back what’s thrown at you. It’s true, that you can choose to do the right thing—something good, especially in a bad situation.
Wrong choice will make things worse when the right choice can make things turn the other way around.
Yes, give back the ugly thing that thrown at you doesn’t mean you have to give back another ugliness, but kindness is hard (sometimes). To be kind in a bad situation, naturally feels like expectation to be more than what you could be when all you are now is less than who you should be.
Being asked to see the bright side of the darkness above your head is like being force to put yourself aside because no one needs negativity in their life. Not that if you’re sad then everyone has to drown with you in it—what kind of idiot would think that way?—but more like, everyone shouldn’t be sad when you’re sad, but you can be sad and become a mean person if it’s too hard to smile and going around like everything is okay.
Not everyone is happy-go-lucky type of person. And human are capable to feel or create any emotion even the weirdest one. We’re so good at asking people to understand us, directly or not. So, when something bad happens, and it makes you sad, you’re so unhappy about it, I say, no one should expect you to be positive about it. I say, you can choose negativity or shutting off from people if it feels easier.
And you should realize too, that you can’t always expect someone to understand.
It’s already too much for someone to deal with bad situation itself, asking for accept it in some kind of intense and constant positivity would only put more weight somehow. If it feels better, then it feels better. If it will get better, it will get better. Accepting a change in gracefulness, and make wisdom out of it when all you can see is your life is one step away from falling apart, is not everyone’s forte. Everything needs time. If it looks bad, then let your sad little heart take it all in first. Give it a time, make a little space. You might need it more than anyone else.
Then you can treat the sadness better—after you know what to do with your sad little heart.
It is not okay to be not okay, because you’re not okay and it’s not okay. But, it’s okay to experience “the not okay” things, because life just being life. Sometimes it’s good, sometimes it doesn’t make sense at all. When it’s too painful, then don’t force yourself to act like everything is fine if deep down, it makes everything harder. Angry if it makes you furious. Sad, if it crushed you so bad. And while it feels unbearable, do whatever it takes to feel better again. If in the process you have to push people away, if you refuse to talk about it, because you don’t want to yell bad words to someone or say things that could potentially hurt others, so be it and be mean to people.
Then again, if after that you have no friends or end up labeled as an asshole, it’s on your own risk. Just remember, thing changes. Bad situation will pass and people become who they said they will never be. So do you. Maybe tomorrow things will get better and you have to face the reality that everyone thinks you’re an asshole now. But it shouldn’t bother you much, right?
People said the art of life is to find balance in it. I said, it depends on what you’re looking for in it. Being sad is unbearable feeling. And not everyone knows how to make sure everything stays alright when sadness visited without knowing how to replace itself with other nice feeling, like relief—or happiness, if it’s not too ambitious.
Sad is just an emotion, but in the hand of some people it could turn to be worse than just an uncomfortable feeling. And for those people, how they react to it, could leads to another mess, bigger than the feeling itself. And that’s just something people don’t want to see so often. So this sadness you don’t know how to handle, can make you difficult to others. And tell me, why does people want difficult person to hang around with when they are busy with their own life?
There is big chance for others to keep the distance between after you push them away.
Therefore, if you are those kind of people, I wish for the same thing as Nikita’s beautiful and realistic hope: to find that someone—someone who’s willing to be there on your sunday night, after you feel so shitty in one saturday morning. Someone who can handle your “leave me alone” as well as your “I feel better now”, understands that you keep saying “I am sorry to drag you into this” throughout this whole process, even in tiniest gesture. Someone who not necessarily strong, but know when to be stronger than you so s/he wouldn’t drowning with you.
I wish that for you, because sadness is always possible, but that kind of someone is impossible, sometimes.
And you will be that someone for them too.