I know how it feels to sleep in pain.
When you have trouble closing your eyes while you know the last thing you need is wide awake. But you can’t. The harder you try to shut both of your eyelids, the more you feel the pain. It feels like the pain is dancing harder, the darker it gets. With no lights on, even if you are not trying to, you just can’t help but to concentrate to how it hurts.
You are thinking about terrible things.
All the things you don’t want to imagine. All the things you hope to go away, in the other hand make you lose hope. All the things should happen instead, the things that are better than this. All the things you can’t have tonight. All the things you wish everyone told you before. All the decisions you can’t take back. And that very little thing that started it all.
The pain wants something, but it seems like you don’t have what it’s asking for.
Then your brain way too tired, so you fall asleep anyway. You wouldn’t aware of it, you just fall asleep. So quietly, and all the pains suddenly stop. It is not gone, sure, you just somewhere too deep in unconsciousness to feel it torturing you. But, it doesn’t last. Few hours after that, it starts waking you up. You wake up several times, look around, hurt, and tired, so sleepy. Just to go back to sleep again, because damn right it hurts, but have you ever feel so tired that even the ache feels so powerless? Oh, because this is the time you need sleep the most. You must have heard somewhere that when someone sleeps a lot, pain could be the reason.
It’s all blur and dark. What’s happening? You asked yourself a question as you woke up with the ache that makes you even more tired than before. But then you fall back to sleep again. And it happens few times before the morning, but you don’t count how many times exactly. You just know, you don’t get the sleep you deserve, yet another day comes to see how long you can survive with the pain you carry around like a giant clouds, holding you back to be the person people easily get along with.
Oh toothache, can you free me tonight?