Two nights ago, I went to an event. I was with friend and he asked me, “do you want to go there?”
I said, “not really, but I want to, but not really.”
“Yeah, I feel the same way. Even when I want to, I wouldn’t stay long there.”
“Let’s just go then. I want to go but I don’t want to stay too long. And you won’t stay there long.”
So we went.
Probably around 20 minutes before we go back home—after staying for about an hour, there is this theatrical performance on stage. Before the show began, there were two person talk about the show that were about to start. The first one was one of the actor, and he introduced himself and the theatrical group. He told us, they do poetry musicalization with an act. The second speaker was a woman, and she talked about what the show is about. And after long lecture about how many of us always see the bad thing in other people, judging them for their decisions, questioning their values in life yet, so little we try to see in ourselves, try to take time to reflect things. And she quoting from Dead Poets Society, she’s about to finish and start the show.
“We don’t read and write poetry because it’s cute. We read and write poetry because we are members of the human race. And the human race is filled with passion. And medicine, law, business, engineering, these are noble pursuits and necessary to sustain life. But poetry, beauty, romance, love, these are what we stay alive for.”
My friend told me, when his cigarette finished, we go home. I said that’s good enough for me. I was so bored.
I watched my friend’s cigarette, just a few more and we can go. Two minutes, I predicted. I looked away and watch the stage again. That woman speaker was still talking, but she’s is now are in her closing words. I listened well and took a glance on the cigarette again, so quickly, back to her again. And she said,
“One more thing before we begin.
We spent so many times, trying to be better than anyone. We never really listen, because we are always busy trying to give smarter arguments or comeback. We asked so many questions to make us look smart, but never really think about asking ourselves, “have we asked ourselves the right question?
Alright, enjoy the show.”
She walked out the stage, leaving her words in my head.
It’s probably my twisted mood and female hormones reacted, I am still thinking about it until the next morning, and this morning too, two days passed with overloaded tiresome and laziness. Thank God, it is weekend. Just right about this morning, that thought transforms.
I am reading this book, with really hot coffee that I can’t sip just yet, I opened where I left it on Friday, the day I went to the event that night. And there is this line, that touched me, kinda made me feel like hugging my parents for it. Not saying anything—since I am so bad at expressing my feelings verbally, just hug them with the right tightness so they know I am hugging hard enough to let them know they are not loved too little, and gentle enough to let them sure about it.
I know that when you are on that part of the month, you are just easily sad and touched by so many things. You become so sensitive about even the littlest things. I will always celebrate the fact that I am female, not like some kind of annoying pride, but in a way that being human is already something, figure out ourselves is another thing, and all female hormone you are living with periodically come and makes it more exciting. It is an additional tool to help you explore things that untouchable when it is not there to help you by softening something inside of you.
Something in the book and what the woman speaker said on the stage, and I, in this weird Sunday.
Damn, I completely forget to what my thought about asking ourselves the right question transforms into. I wanted to laugh about it, but this song I am listening to, is too enjoyable and doesn’t fit at all with laughter, would be really nice to dance to while you with no pants on, though. No, it is not a sexy song, it is Rhye – The Fall. Well, after listening to the lyric, it is actually kind of sexy, sorry for the false report. Random “auto-play” on Youtube is always fun to work with.
Anyway, since I forgot the reason I am starting this writing, I am better off finish it here and start to work on something from work that’s needed for the meeting tomorrow. Oh, I love Monday, and it is not even sarcastic statement.
Sorry, that I make you think you will find something in this piece, I did not mean to waste your time this way. I thought I have something but don’t really think about the possibility I might forget about it in the middle of my effort to immortalize it in one short writing.
Well, this something from work I need to do.
Anyway, when I told my (another) friend I have something from work to do, he said, I shouldn’t work on the weekend.
“Fuck your boss,” he added.
I said, “no, he is old. I don’t fuck old man.”
It is time to really finish this, don’t you think?
I thought so.